Happiness vs. Motivation

by Lucy
(New York, New York)

I suffer from major depression with suicidal tendencies. When I was first diagnosed after a few suicide attempts, I began treatment with SSRIs.

The first one I tried was Zoloft, which gave me serious migraines but did not particularly help my depression. Paxil did nothing whatsoever for me.

Lexapro, the third one I tried, made me first incredibly manic, and then more depressed than I'd ever been in my life. Needless to say, I stopped taking SSRI's (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors).

Instead, I began treatment with Lamictal, a mood stabilizer with anti-depressant properties (though it is slightly disturbing that my friend also takes the same drug for Epilepsy).

Lamictal helped significantly, but it ultimately changed who I am, because I used to be an incredibly creative person, and Lamictal stole my creativity.

I wonder sometimes if it was worth it, but then I remember how miserable I used to be, and I know it was. Nevertheless, it's a high price to pay.

I know people for whom SSRI's are a lifesaver, I'd just say that it's important to monitor any psychological drug, because they can easily have unintended consequences.